Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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