You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
