i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
