is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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