my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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