Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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