beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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