bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
