He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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