i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
