K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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