Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
