I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
