does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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Don't tell me you're on acid again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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