Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
