We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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