you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
