saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
