Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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