i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize