the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
