she kept yelling 'call me bella'
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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