yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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