Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
