My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
