i permit you to call me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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