What a fucking waste of an outfit
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
