she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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