It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
