Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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