When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
