i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
