Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i think my cat just said my name.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
