You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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