after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
