You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
