the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
