you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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