i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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