Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
