You just made me feel so damn special
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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