so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wear drunk well.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
