I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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