I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
