Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize