A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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