we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
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Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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