I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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