just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
