hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
