Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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