At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My feet surprised me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
