You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
