It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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