forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
