my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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