It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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