pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
