my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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