U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
