Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
