My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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