i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
