we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
