Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How naked do you want me to be?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
