how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
