hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
