So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
