Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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