Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
